How To Support Someone with Depression

It is  often difficult to think of what you can do or say to a person who is depressed, because more often than not, the person is filled with irrational feelings and thoughts about themselves and their world. So, how can you support someone with depression? They may fervently believe that nobody can help and life is pointless. This lack of hope is a common symptom. But there is point to their life and there are plenty of things that you can say and do to help.

Quick Depression Overview

From personal experiences of having depression, I understand how difficult it is fr the person suffering to explain what is going on for them internally. You know that you are feeling really low  but also more then that. It is difficult to explain to someone who has not experienced being depressed. But let me give it a go.

Depression is one of those illnesses that is so linked into ‘how we are feeling’ that we tend to tie it in very easily with feeling ‘low’ or ‘high’. Depression is not the feeling you get when one you are “just feeling low” or having a bad day. Depression affects the body first, then when it wears down one’s immune system, it attacks one’s brain; i.e.; one’s thoughts. Negative thoughts take over the mind. The depressed person is not inventing all of the emotional stress and turmoil. It is very real.

True depression is a disease of the central nervous system; just like epilepsy or Parkinson’s disease are diseases of the central nervous system. Depression usually seems to begin with sleep disturbances (as it was with my case also, with the ‘bad’ dreams, lack of sleep or sleeping too much). At first it is manageable, but as lack of sleep builds up over time, other symptoms such as having no appetite appear as well. Chemical changes begin to appear in the brain. A chemical called Serotonin is lacking in depressed individuals. This chemical regulates a person’s mood. When this chemical is in short supply, it causes mood swings and emotional instability; which leads to difficulty in effectively dealing with life’s problems. The depression then begins to eat a person alive. It is all consuming, one loses the ability to function properly. Happiness becomes a fading memory.

Is Depression a Mental Illness?
Depression is called a “mental” illness because it affects the thinking patterns of the brain. Depression is a neurobiological illness; i.e. the disease has a biological basis in that chemicals are not properly balanced in the brain. ‘Feeling Low’ is a form of depression, although a very minor form. They are the body’s way of regulating immune function and forcing us to rest. But, ‘feeling low’ is NOT the same as major clinical depression.

It is possible to be depressed and not know it. This is very common. Depression dampens your awareness of feelings. Not only that, but the low mood, the sadness we normally associate with depression, is often a minor aspect of depression. The low mood comes after the other symptoms have already been there for a while. It’s quite possible for people not to realize they’re depressed when the sadness component is missing and all they feel is lethargy and lack of interest.

The common symptoms of depression are :

• Sleep disturbances such as insomnia, early morning waking, or oversleeping
• Eating disturbances (either loss of appetite and weight or gain in appetite and weight)
• Restlessness, irritability, and violent mood swings
• Difficulty in concentrating, remembering, and in making decisions 
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being slowed down.
• Loss of interest or pleasure in favorite activities, including sex. (some, however, become overly promiscous in sex)
• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, pessimism, or helplessness (Depressed people may burst out crying for no apparant reason)
• Thoughts of death or suicide, even suicide attempts
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, chronic pain, or digestive disorders that do not respond to treatment
•  In nearly all depression there is a state of fatigue. That’s one of the essential symptoms. There’s also a general lack of interest in life and of energy to perform usual duties or to engage in normal activities. The sufferer becomes lethargic, lying around a lot, refusing to get out of bed, or escaping into television watching, alcohol, drugs, or other activities that make no demands.

 If you feel that you are suffering from depression, you have a few options for help. Go to a clinic and do undergo tests to determine if you have an under-active thyroid. If the thyroid test comes back o.k., your doctor may be able to refer you to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist.

You may also contact OPEN Minds via our facebook page (privately) for more information on community services or private mental health professionals.

 If a person you know is depressed, DO NOT avoid your friend; this is the WORST POSSIBLE thing you could do, especially if he/she is suicidal. Your friend needs somebody to talk to. Please help him/her. Your mere presence is a powerful therapeutic tool for your friend. Simple things such as going for a walk or calling on the phone will help tremendously. Depression is a very dangerous disease in that a person’s life becomes clouded with negativity, so much so that suicidal thoughts and attempts are common. DO NOT let this person be alone when he/she needs your friendship. Help salvage your friend’s life. BE THERE for them.

Mending A Broken Heart

After my 18 year marriage broke up, I thought I would never get over my broken marriage. Despite the fact that I had been the one who had finally initiated the separation, followed by the divorce, it took a number of years before I was able to move on with my life. I missed the ‘family environment’ I had been living in for 18 years. I knew for sure that it wasn’t my ex-husband that I missed at all. In fact, it had been such a relief when it finally came to an end. I felt like a huge load had been lifted off my shoulders.  Yet two years following our separation, I was still quite emotional and weepy. I realized just how much of a family person I was and had become through those eighteen years, we had been together.  

The Season of Singledom

 I remember when I came returned from the USA after my studies at the age of 28 years. I was single and found most of my high school buddies were married, most with children. I lost count of the number of people who asked me: if I was married and or if I had any children. My response to which was ‘ actually, am sooooo happily single’. To which I’d be asked…isn’t  getting a bit late for me to have children and find a husband ! Sadly to say, it was mainly female friends.

 

How I Grieved My Father When He Died

I will never forget the moment I received the news of my Father’s death last year in June 2014. I literally threw the phone away from me, as I collapsed to the floor, writhing in pain, holding my stomach, almost suffocating because I couldn’t breathe. The crying sounds  coming from me were primal foreign noises. The depth of  emotional and physical pain was unimaginable. Writing this I feel the tears beginning to flow again. I felt there wasn’t any way, I could live without my Dad. We had been very close. He was my ‘hero’. The grieving and the missing him will never end, but the pain gets less and slowly I am back into my new life without my Dad. Life will never be the same again, just different. 

 

What To Expect and Do at Your First Therapeutic Session

Often ‘we’ therapists or psychiatrists may take it for granted how difficult it is for most people to actually make the decision to seek out treatment for a mental health concern.  They often don’t understand the anxiety and fear most people have in making their first appointment, much less keeping it. This article will help explain what to expect from your first psychotherapy appointment.

Know Your Mental Health Professionals

Mental health services are provided by several different professions, each of which has its own training and areas of expertise.

 Psychiatrist – Psychiatrists are physicians with either a doctor of medicine (M.D.) degree or doctor of osteopathy (D.O.) degree, who also has at least four years of specialized study and training in psychiatry. Psychiatrists are licensed as physicians to practice medicine by individual countries. Psychiatrists provide medical and psychiatric evaluations, treat psychiatric disorders, provide psychotherapy and prescribe and monitor medications.

Coping After a Traumatic Event

What should I do?

Give yourself time. It takes time – weeks or months – to accept what has happened and to learn to live with it. You may need to grieve for what (or who) you have lost.

• Find out what happened. It is better to face the reality of what happened rather than wondering about what might have happened.
• Be involved with other survivors. If you go to funerals or memorial services, this may help you to come to terms with what has happened. It can help to spend time with others who have been through the same experience as you.
• Ask for support. It can be a relief to talk about what happened. You may need to ask your friends and family for the time to do this – at first they will probably not know what to say or do.
• Take some time for yourself. At times you may want to be alone or just with those close to you.
• Talk it over. Bit by bit, let yourself think about the trauma and talk about it with others. Don’t worry if you cry when you talk, it’s natural and usually helpful. Take things at a pace that you feel comfortable with.
• Get into a routine. Even if you don’t feel much like eating, try to have regular meals and to eat a balanced diet. Taking some exercise can help – but start gently.
• Do some ‘normal’ things with other people. Sometimes you will want to be with other people, but not to talk about what has happened. This can also be part of the healing process.

· Take care. After a trauma, people are more likely to have accidents. Be careful around the home, when you driving or walking.

 What should I NOT do?

 Don’t bottle up your feelings. Strong feelings are natural. Don’t feel embarrassed about them. Bottling them up can make you feel worse and can damage your health. Let yourself talk about what has happened and how you feel, and don’t worry if you cry.

• Don’t take on too much. Being active can take your mind off what has happened, but you need time to think to go over what happened so you can come to terms with it. Take some time to get back to your old routine.
• Don’t drink or use drugs. Alcohol or drugs can blot out painful memories for a while, but they will stop you from coming to terms with what has happened. They can also cause depression and other health problems.

 Don’t make any major life changes. Try to put off any big decisions. Your judgement may not be at its best and you may make choices you later regret. Take advice from people you trust.

 When should I get professional help?

 Family and friends will probably be able to see you through this difficult time. Many people find that the feelings that they experience after a traumatic event gradually reduce after about a month. However, you may need to see a professional if your feelings are too much for you, or go on for too long.

 You should probably ask your Doctor for help if:

 you have no one to share your feelings with

• you can’t handle your feelings and feel overwhelmed by sadness, anxiety, or
• nervousness
• you feel that you are not returning to normal after six weeks
• you have nightmares and cannot sleep
• you are getting on badly with those close to you
• you stay away from other people more and more
• your work is suffering
• those around you suggest you seek help
• you have accidents
• you are drinking or smoking too much, or using drugs to cope with your feelings.

 What professional help is available?

 Your Doctor might suggest that you talk with someone who specialises in helping people cope with traumas. They will usually use a talking treatment, such as counselling or psychotherapy.

 Can my doctor prescribe any medication to help me cope?

Medication can sometimes be helpful following a trauma, but it is still important to see your doctor regularly to check how you are doing.

 

How can I help after a traumatic event?

• Be there

It can be helpful just to spend time with someone, even if they don’t want to talk about what happened. Let them know you are available to listen and offer to visit again.

• Listen

They may find it helpful to talk about what happened. Don’t pressure them – let them take things at their own pace.

• Offer practical help

They may find it more of a struggle to look after themselves and keep to a daily routine. Offer some help, such as cleaning or preparing a meal.

Please feel free to contact me privately through our facebook page privately. 

Take Care

ABOUT POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Our daughter was born three and a half months premature, while I was living abroad, away from my home in Kenya. My daughter and I, could very easily have slipped away. During this period, my eldest sibling in our family died. I could not make it back to Kenya, because our daughter couldn’t travel because she was too little, born at 560 gms (one pound four ounces). So  I missed my sister’s funeral. During this period I was also experiencing post natal depression and post traumatic stress disorder brought upon by our daughter’ birth. It was the hardest and loneliest time in my life. With professional help, and by God’s grace, we lived to tell the tale.